Bait and Switch -- Women Letting Themselves Go

I know there are men who let themselves go, too, but there are certain women who seem to make the transition from Wow to Whale overnight. It's got to be a shock to a guy to marry this:

And then in only a couple years find himself walking down the street with this:

It's like if you bought a Ferrari, and one day you came out and found it had been replaced with a Dodge Vanagon, and then when you checked the contract -- yeah, that was the deal. You missed it. Ferrari to be replaced with Dodge Vanagon after two years. Sucks to be you.

If you're the kind of guy that gets turned on by young Bryce Dallas Howard, is there any chance at all that the Bryce Dallas Howard who looks like Roseanne Barr's sister will get your motor running? Probably it's all he can do to pretend not to be repulsed. I mean, we're supposed to love the inner person, but there's a limit. When the inner person is buried under several hundred pounds of newly-acquired fat, you shouldn't have to pretend that's just OK.

This isn't just baby weight. The mother of my five children is pretty much the same weight now that she was when I met her. She never put on this kind of weight when she was pregnant.

Bryce looks like she was just shoving anything within reach into her mouth. She might have accidentally eaten her midwife.

I can imagine her husband, "Honey, maybe you should slow down...."

"I'm eating for two!"

"But that's an awful lot of ice cream!"

"Eating. FOR. TWO. DAMNIT! MORE ICE CREAM! MORE! MORE! ROAR!"

Eventually they just had to toss the ice cream containers from a distance after a couple people lost limbs.

I've known more than a coupe husbands whose wives did this, and women of my acquaintance who did this between their late teens and late 20s. I see their wedding pictures or high school photos, or remember them personally as cute little hotties -- and I now kind of recognize the face on top of the blimp. It's not OK.

If anyone read this blog, I'd be expecting some serious hate mail.